My Journey With Ketamine Therapy
- India
- Jul 1
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 11
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. This post is based on my personal experience with ketamine therapy and is intended for informational and storytelling purposes only. It is not medical advice. If you're considering ketamine treatment or any mental health therapy, please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.
Trigger warning: mention of child abuse, sexual assault, and (obviously) hallucinogenic drugs.
What exactly is ketamine?
Ketamine is an N-methyl-d-Aspartate receptor antagonist with well-established safety and efficacy as an analgesic and anesthetic.
Used for anesthesia since the 1960's, it has been the subject of formal investigation for it's potential to treat psychiatric disorders for over 20 years. The first approval by the USA Food and Drug Administration (FDA) of a ketamine-derived therapy for mental health was in 2019.1 Depending on the dosage it can have hallucinogenic effects that include distortion of sights and sounds, loss of mobility, and a feeling of disconnect from the body.2 When taken under the supervision of a professional, it can allow those suffering from PTSD to revisit trauma without the intense physical stress response that often accompanies those memories, and enhances neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to form and reorganize connections), which supports changing the internal narrative around that trauma.
Why did I decide to try Ketamine therapy?
When considering Ketamine therapy, I wanted to address two things: Crippling amaxophobia (the fear of being a passenger in a car) and PTSD responses I had leftover from childhood abuse. The most pressing one being that I'd be so frightened if someone said my name unexpectedly I would scream; as you can imagine this was very awkward at work.
I had tried countless forms of medications, therapies, and even hypnosis, but unfortunately there were still a few wrinkles I just couldn't seem to iron out. That's when I heard of psilocybin therapy, which recently become legal where I live in Oregon. I had a consultation with a "doctor" and was ready to begin, but before I went to my first session, an internet deep-dive into this "doctor" uncovered he was a sex offender who had been fired and stripped of his medical license for molesting women while they were under anesthesia.
That's when I discovered you do not have to be a medical professional to conduct these sessions, and he was operating out of a clinic that apparently didn't do background checks.
I was thoroughly shaken and decided to pursue something only a doctor could prescribe that didn't require anyone to be present; that's when I stumbled upon ketamine.
My experience
For my therapy I went through Better U (unaffiliated). I first signed up for their full package, which is 8 ketamine treatment sessions combined with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and information on how to get the most out of each stage of the treatment. They also provide all the extras you need like an eye-mask and blood-pressure gauge. The cost was $792.
Setup & Preparation
Fasting is essential for the treatment, so I had to avoid eating within 2-3 hours of the treatment. They also require you to record your blood pressure (they provide the device) and dosage in mg before each session in their app. I did my sessions in bed, because you have to lay down and mobility is limited. It's also important that nothing interrupt the session (people, pets, etc.) and I could close my bedroom door. They encourage you to listen to music during your session. BetterU have a Spotify playlist for each session, but I looked online and found recommendations from people who have done this before and discovered I liked John Hopkins "Music For Psychedelic Therapy." I downloaded it on Spotify so I could play it while my phone was on airplane mode to avoid distractions.
Each session has a different subject they would like you to focus on, so before each session I would read a short lesson.
During the session
After getting into bed, I would hold the ketamine under my tongue for 12 minutes and journal while thinking about the theme of the session. My very first session I was entirely unprepared for how disgusting it was going to taste! The taste fades as the ketamine kicks in but oop - a warning would've been nice. Brushing your teeth first helps combat that terrible taste, and actually increases rate of absorption by cleaning your gums. About 3-4 minutes in I would start to feel a little loopy and my vision would start to spin. By 7 minutes I could barely see to write in my journal, and that's when I would spit the ketamine into a cup next to the bed, put my mask on, and the journey would begin. I would feel the ketamine slowly fade at about 1-2 hours, but it took about 3 hours for my vision and full mobility to return.
Hallucinations
The doctor warned me not to try to control the experience, because my mind was going to do whatever the hell it felt like. They were absolutely right about that - it's an almost indescribable feeling. My mind would follow the music and the visuals I would see would commonly coordinate with it, for example, if there was static I would see water. There were many times I felt a level of elation that could bring me to tears, and although many of my revelations were things I already "knew", I could now feel them, too.
Some examples of the things I saw were my daughter and I turning into locusts and consuming the planet, riding an incredible roller coaster, and having a conversation with myself where I refused to discuss my trauma anymore, because "we" were leaving it behind.
After the session
I would lie in bed afterwards with my eye mask on and just relax until I could see again. Due to the increased plasticity of the brain following treatment, they advise you to avoid negativity and stress as much as possible and focus on things you want your brain to make new connections to. For the next few days after each session I would do yoga, avoid TV and news, and read a lot of positive non-fiction (I am literally so boring.)
What were the results?
After 6 sessions, I decided to try to ride in a car during my increased plasticity window. Something inside me was inexplicably telling me I was ready. I hoped that if I rode in a car and nothing bad happened, my brain would replace the connection to fear with safety. To give a little background, my phobia was to the extent where I would cry, hyperventilate, and throw up when I had to be a passenger in a car. We drove to target and I cried, but this time out of happiness because not only was I not afraid, but I enjoyed the ride. It seriously felt like a miracle. It's now been 9 months and my phobia hasn't returned.
PTSD is a bit more complicated. Throughout the process I could feel my baseline lowering substantially, allowing me a level of patience and calm that I have never experienced before. I no longer scream when people say my name, I am less jumpy, and the nightmares stopped. They do warn you that you may need to revisit treatment when needed. My PTSD has never returned with the same ferocity, but after about 4-6 months I'll start feeling my baseline creep up again. I doubt I'll ever have to do a full 9 session treatment again, but I do a single session to refresh the effects once or twice a year.
My Final Thoughts
If you suffer from a severe psychiatric condition, ketamine therapy could be life-changing for you. It absolutely was for me. For more mild conditions you might want consider whether the intensity of the treatment is justified (not to mention the cost.)
The loss of mobility could be unnerving for some people, but I barely noticed because ketamine is a very out-of-body experience. They may also not want to pursue ketamine therapy because it's not a 100% permanent solution, but as someone who has been on antidepressants and anxiety medication most of my life, it doesn't seem too different than how my other medication works. In fact, I have to take it less and it's substantially more effective.
Do I think it's worth it? 1000%. If given the choice I'd make the same decision over and over. For me, it was life changing. It gave me a freedom I'd never had and made me feel like I had some power over my traumatized brain.
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." - Tom Robbins
Tips & Advice
If you decide to pursue ketamine therapy, let me share a few things I learned that may help you on your journey.
Have a serious discussion with your friends and family about the environment you need post-session. It is recommended to avoid stress and negativity for at least 24 hours after your session. If you have a friend or family member that is just straight toxic, avoid at all costs for that period of time. If you're worried about a toxic work environment, do your sessions on the weekends.
Do not drink alcohol the day before your session. I noticed it stifled the effects of the ketamine for me. I heard weed could do that, too.
Take the fasting seriously, it can ruin your session.
Take the music VERY seriously. This can make or break your session. I had one headphone go out halfway through a session once and it took me completely out of the experience. Make sure your headphones are fully charged and your phone is on silent so it doesn't interrupt the music.
Pee right before your sessions, and keep everything you need within reach because you can't walk and your arms and hands will be noodly for hours.
Let yourself feel all the things you're going to feel. Your emotions may be so intense they are a little frightening, but you're safe.
Walsh Z, Mollaahmetoglu OM, Rootman J, Golsof S, Keeler J, Marsh B, Nutt DJ, Morgan CJA. Ketamine for the treatment of mental health and substance use disorders: comprehensive systematic review.
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